How many times can one person make the same mistake before you stop believing in them? This question seems to be at the forefront of all my thoughts recently. Ryan's been back from rehab for two months. Enough time for me to realize all his empty promises are just that- empty. Why then has he moved in with me?
Some may say I'm too nice, always thinking of others and loving them over myself. I think I'm just scared. Scared of being alone, of making my ever still looming mortgage payment, most of all, of letting another man slip through the cracks. I realize 26 is a little young to proclaim yourself an inevitable cat lady, but when you've got the luck with men that I do, 14 seems almost better.
So last night he again dissapointed me. Broke some windows too in the process. I have to start blaming myself, not him, when he continually lets me down. I deserve so much better. Such nice sentiments from such nice friends, but how can I possibly win when their expectations of me are higher than those of myself? I'm just stressed to the max right now and can't get out of the situation I'm in to really analyze what I need to do.
Here's hoping tonight brings more clarity and zero more broken anythings.
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